How to develop a respectful coaching relationship to help your child master reading, writing, and maths skills
Your child can be keen to work with you at home on reading, writing, and maths skills in the beginning. If you had a honeymoon period when you both loved working together – and the work was fun – I hope that you enjoyed it. The coaching honeymoon period is usually over after a few weeks, and if you haven’t formed a close, equal, and respectful coaching relationship together, that might be difficult for you both.
After the honeymoon period your child might stop cooperating as easily with you when it is time to read, write or do maths. They might moan, procrastinate, have a tantrum, argue, and not remember the reading, writing, or maths skills they had previously learnt, or even where their books and pens are. You might find you begin to ‘forget’ to coach them these skills they want to avoid learning, or find other urgent and more important tasks. However, if you can find a way of keeping on coaching your child those skills they are so reluctant to learn; you will make amazing progress over time!
Let go of being ‘The Boss’. There are many pluses to letting go of being ‘The Boss’ when you form a coaching partnership with your child.
- They will learn reading, writing and Mathematics skills faster and easier.
- You will both form a more respectful working relationship that you will both deeply enjoy, and
- Learning reading, writing, and Mathematics skills will become fun for your child.
You may be home-schooling your children or wanting to help them do better in the classroom. You may want to help your child improve their reading, writing, and/or math, or to ride a skate board. Whatever you are coaching and for whatever reasons I encourage you to invest time and effort into developing a respectful coaching relationship with your child. When you work harmoniously together, learning even reading, writing and maths skills your child finds difficult, scary, or boring becomes easier and more fun for them. My families and I have always found that when the coach develops a respectful and more equal learning partnership with their child, coaching reading, writing and maths skills becomes a pleasure instead of a chore, and your children learn faster.
I suggest you climb off your parenting chair and sit down nose to nose with your child. Only then can you both decide how you will work respectfully together on mastering the reading, writing, and maths skills that will make them excellent students.
The roles: You both have different but complementary coaching roles that are a little different from the roles of parent and child. Your child as the student often knows what reading, writing, and maths skills they need to learn, when they might need a short break, or have had enough learning about any new information. You as the coach know what has to be taught to learn those reading, writing, and maths skills and how to teach them. When you both develop a partnership as two relatively equal people with different roles so your child work harder and willingly to learn reading, writing, and maths skills and you use less effort when coaching and see greater results. The key to working smoothly with your child is the respect you consistently show them, and expect from them.
“Respect is taking into consideration the views and desires of others and incorporating it into your decisions. Being truthful to people. When you respect another, you factor in and weigh others’ thoughts and desires into your planning and balance it into your decision-making” Webster’s Dictionary.
Give respect and expect respect. You are the adult and you have to begin first. You can’t expect your child’s respect if you are not giving them respect. Talk and act respectfully and expect the same back from them when coaching reading, writing, and maths skills. Experiment with negotiating with your child on some or all of the following:
- what reading, writing, and maths skills will be coached,
- how the coaching will happen, when it will happen, and
- for how long.
More importantly, watch your attitude and thoughts towards your child and change them when they become disrespectful. When you feel, think, and act respectfully towards another, the other feels valued as an intelligent being – whatever their age and you will notice your child quickly gains in skills and confidence when learning new skills. Contact me if you have any questions.
Warmly,
Anne
Families as Coaches 