The mutually respectful relationship you build with your child when coaching reading, writing, or maths skills decides whether you will be a successful coach or not. Patience is an important part of developing mutual respect, but patience is a lot more than just holding your breath and feeling ‘patient’ while working with your child on their Mathematics, reading and writing skills. I believe this form of ‘patience’ is more often than not just suppressed impatience.
Here is a definition of patience I think is enables you to effectively and respectfully coach reading, writing, or Mathematics skills to your child.
True patience arises from clearly seeing all aspects of a situation (Growth and unfolding: Our human birthright by K. Tarchin, Sphere Publishers, 1985).
Seeing all aspects of why your child might be ‘difficult to work with’ when you are coaching reading, writing and maths skills takes time and thought to uncover. I suggest that you:
Pay close attention to your judgments and irritation. Notice when you judge your child when they are learning. You might judge their ‘lack of effort’. They might not remember the reading, writing, or maths skills you taught them, or they might be sullen, not concentrating, or unwilling to learn.
- Judgments create misunderstandings and erode trust between you both, making it difficult to work together as coach and student.
- Judgments are often unhelpful and incorrect. Your child’s behaviour while you are teaching them reading, writing, or maths skills might be caused by many factors you have no idea of yet. Remember the link between true patience, and understanding all aspects of a situation.
- Your child knows even if quite unconsciously, when you judge them for their lack of understanding or retention of skills you have just taught them. Your face, words, and/or body language tells them immediately. You can’t hide your judgements!
As soon as you notice a judgment, create a positive thought as quickly as possible.
Suggestions:
- Interrupt the coaching. Change whatever you are doing. You can turn away or look away, leave the room to get a drink, or take a deep slow breath and stop talking.
- At the same time remind yourself, ‘I don’t really know what my child is experiencing while I am coaching them reading, writing, or maths skills. I have no right to judge another.
- Listen closely to them to understand. You might notice new reasons for why they behave unhelpfully when you coach. Look first to your own actions. Perhaps something you said might be the cause, maybe you are explaining too fast, Perhaps something else is an important factor. Maybe they can’t understand because they don’t understand other skills that they need first.
Developing the attitude of respectful acceptance and interest when they have difficulty learning a particular skill means that they will find learning with you easier and more fun. Coaching your child also gives you a wonderful opportunity to develop more understanding of them and a closer bond with them.
Families as Coaches 